I randomly caught a wedding on Friday. Just getting around to typing about it.

I was hanging out with some cousins who were staying at The Gaylord Texan for a business conference. Afterward, when they had to go to an awards ceremony, I wandered around inside. It was so hot outside, so cool inside; dead grass outside, lush gardens inside. It didn’t matter that I stayed long enough for parking to cost $20. I turned a corner from some gift shops and found a coffee shop. From the counter while paying, I saw a seated wedding party from the balcony of the coffee shop who were all waiting for a wedding ceremony to begin. I wandered out to the balcony.

Many people had gathered on the balcony to watch. Kids with balloon animals and Shrek crowns. People in swimsuits and flip flops or just short and tanks. This one man was really going after some brownies.

I sat next to a couple from Alabama on the balcony at a small table where I could just see the whole intimate level downstairs from the main outdoor area of The Gaylord. String music played through speakers down there. The couple and I guessed and suggested all sorts of things (like which of the older men standing around, fidgeting, was the groom and the father-of-the-bride), cracking jokes, until the wedding began.

The officiant was a funny man even though he didn’t mean to be. He cracked two jokes that no one else laughed at but him. As he went on, it sounded like he hadn’t practiced the night before. He said “ummm” and “uhhh” and “oh, sorry…that’s not it” so many times. It was cute. (The groom was trying to keep from laughing and I guess the wife was too if we could’ve seen her face.) He looked to the groom (John) and then proceeded to tell us about the ‘first marriage’ in the Garden of Eden between Adam and…John. He called the ring bearer before he was ready.

I especially liked his personal ‘Three Rules to For Happy Marriage’ (yes…he said it exactly how I just typed it):

1. If wife responds more, she be more feminine and is appreciated more for this. If man responds more, he be more masculine and is appreciated for this.
2. If you talk to each other every day, you will not need a lawyer or a psychologist. (The wife next to me asked, “What if you’re yelling at each other every day?”)
3. There can only be one tiger on the mountain; if two tigers are on top, one will swallow the other.

He angled the mic toward the groom or bride as he was asking them to repeat their vows. Sometimes we missed the first or last word/phrase when he angled the mic back to himself too quickly.

In the end, the wedding lasted all of ten minutes and the couple walked off laughing.

And I went home.